GMA Advice Guru

16 October 2010

A longtime "sisterfriend" of mine was pronounced critically ill. Her daughter called to tell me the hospital was trying to convince them to give their mother some kind of Kevorkian cocktail and just "let her go." But the Lord said, "Not so." When I left my friend's bedside in Connecticut, plans were being made to transfer her to a rehab facility to restore the use of her right side from the ravages of this, her 6th stroke. What a mighty God.

When I returned to Ohio on 10/15, I rushed to complete my bid online for the position of Advice Guru for "Good Morning America." However, like Cinderella, the clock was striking midnight before I could finish and the GMA Web site went blank, where once was a golden opportunity. Have you ever felt you found your calling? (Or at least one of them). This was it for me. Here are my responses to the questions. You be the judge.

What is the best advice you've ever given? What was the result?

I told an ex-boyfriend NOT to wear one of his sport jackets to a job interview (because the circus had already left town).
Actually, my best advice may have been while substitute teaching middle school students. They were shocked when I told them they were experiencing the end of free education. They had no idea how much it would cost per credit hour, in college, to take the English, math and science they hated now. Jaws dropped when I put the cost of law school on the blackboard. Talk about crash courses.
Most important, I hope I changed their perspective about teachers. When I told them their teachers must really love them because they pay to work their jobs, that got everyone's attention. I explained that teachers' paychecks get taxed like everyone else's and some of those tax dollars go to pay their own salaries. A real "ah ha" moment.

When there is an issue between my mother-in-law and me my husband never takes my side. How do I change this?

You don't. The relationships are (or should be) entirely different and mutually exclusive. Been there, did this: Initially, I made demands for solidarity and support -- but they fell flat. I withdrew (sound like military strategy?) but continued to allow him as much time with his mother as he wanted. I remained respectful and absent. Eventually, Mom saw that she was hurting her son and she took her place in the line of succession. If you have a son, try to remember back to this time in your life when dealing with his wife.

While cleaning my son's room I saw what appeared to be bullying remarks on his Facebook page. What should I do?

First, take measures to physically protect your child by notifying school authorities and law enforcement, if necessary. Most important, however, is protecting your child from harm she or he may be contemplating doing to themselves, which is so prevalent now. Go through your yearbooks and point out the bullies and troublemakers to your child and tell them which cemeteries and prisons those people reside in now.
It's time to find out who your kid is and what their dreams are and begin to act on a future that they probably feel is too far away to hope for. Get them involved and get involved with them -- whatever it is.
Then, enroll your child in a good marital arts school, not to become a fighter -- but to acquire discipline, confidence and the ability to protect themselves. Hey, Sensaa (teacher) welcome only those kids who would use their powers for good.

My boss is always stealing my ideas and taking credit for my work. What should I do?

"Success is preparedness meeting opportunity." Or something like that. Most supervisors/bosses have 2 to 4 weeks vacation each year. You should be readying your greatest ideas and presentations for the higher ups or anyone who would welcome and not be threatened by your contributions and advancement. Get copies of the movies "Working Girl" and "9 to 5." Don't plan to break your boss' leg or kidnap him or her, like in the movies, but do study the strategies and be entertained at the same time.
Keep this in mind. Someone is always watching you, obviously your boss thinks you have a great mind and potential; rest assured he or she is not the only one. So, "don't grow weary in well doing." Keep up the good work your reward is around the corner.

Bio
CiajDiann Harris, a paralegal and former state law enforcement officer and mental health tech also worked in journalism as a staff writer for a newspaper. She received her bachelor's degree in business administration from Tiffin University and attended Cleveland-Marshall College of Law before being called into ministry.
In 2005, her work was published in "Surviving in the Hour of Darkenss: The Health and Wellness of Women of Colour and Indigenous Women" edited by Sophie Harding and published by University of Calgary Press. She's currently working on the stage adaptation of "When I Stepped Out on Faith..." and documenting her breakthrough weightloss strategy for her next book titled: "Last Seen Running Toward the Light."
Born in Lorain, OH, also the hometown of Toni Morrison and Michael Dirda, Ciaj says: "Seeing similarities to my early years written on the pages of novels written by those Nobel and Pulitzer Prize winning authors -- infused my possibilities with the power of probability. It was much more than Lake Erie that we had in common. We shared a culture and values that stood the test of time -- for a long, long time. I grew up in the same neighborhood as Morrison, a couple decades after she did, but we had many of the same teachers, who challenged our minds, encouraged our achievements and were instrumental in shaping our futures.

Why me?

I bring a lot to the table: diversity, vast experience, insight, humor, compassion and a no-nonesense approach to reaching logical conclusions.

I'll See You in the Mornin'

(Let this be a lesson in always backing up your work.  I lost this post while trying to copy and paste it into the manuscript for my upcoming book titled: "Through the Glass."  While I can never duplicate the piece, exactly, I have to give tribute to a really great lady, whom I loved -- and always will).

Today, a great friend, confidant, mentor, church mother with the perpetual grin and my sister-in-Christ, Clara Ella Ward, went home to be with the Lord.  We read and hear that phrase: "Went home to be with the Lord" quite a bit.  But too often deep down inside we're not all that sure where that person has gone.  I know where Clara has gone.

I don't know who she was before I met her -- and I don't much care; because like all of us her life experiences culminated in creating the person that she was.  A Black woman of substance and character who loved people.  Now, wait, it wasn't always sweetness and light.  Clara had no problem telling you, in a caring yet firm way when she thought you needed to give a matter a little more thought or when she thought you were just plain crazy and wrong.

She had only an elementary school education but one of her most fervent prayers was that all people should reach their highest possible level in education, career and in Christ (but not necessarily in that order).  And she dedicated herself to the task of helping anyone who wanted to achieve their goals.  When I entered law school at the age of 53, Clara bragged about her "friend" and was one of the few people, including a lawyer she knew and some of my law professors who didn't think I was crazy for trying.   Her limited formal education in no way presented itself in her character, speech, thought or actions.  She was informed on so many levels and combined with her "mother wit" she was a formidable opponent on most subjects.

Clara had one quality that, to me, exceeded all others because it is so rare.  She lacked the spirit of jealousy.  This is rare in most people but particularly in women.  Clara, with her impeccable sense of style and quality clothing, bought clothes, donated clothes, collected clothing and dressed women as a part of her ministry.  She visited and cared for the sick, handled their business and protected their rights -- because she knew everyone who was anyone and they were only a phone call away.  She was the ultimate resource person and if she didn't have an answer she knew someone who did.

Clara, who was raised as an only child by her grandmother and great-grandmother, had only one half sister who predeceased her.  So Clara made every woman, particularly every black woman, her sister.  However, that didn't stop her from turning up her nose and tsking at "slouchy" dressing and "hootchie" behavior.  If you wanted to get straightened out she was the one to go to because she cared, really cared about us.  And felt we should all rise to the top like the cream of the crop that we are.

I love Clara and I will miss her until I see her again.  Or as the old folks used to say: "I'll see you in the mornin'."